Resolutions for a Happy Relationship

When you think back on your past few New Year’s resolutions, what have they been? Most people typically focus on self improvements: losing weight, managing stress, quitting bad habits. While these are important, don’t forget to put some thought into positive change for your marriage or relationship. When things are good in our relationship we generally feel more confident, relaxed and secure. In other words, a healthy relationship gives us the strength to go out and conquer our goals in the world and stick to those resolutions. So for this New Year, focus some of your efforts on your relationship and check out the difference it makes.

Here are three examples of relationship resolutions you can incorporate in 2013:

1. “I will communicate my needs better.” –A common false belief in relationships is “If I have to tell you, it doesn’t mean as much”. When this belief is operating, couples tend to sit back and wait for their partner to have an epiphany. This is unrealistic and sets your partner up for failure. Remember that just because your partner can’t read your mind doesn’t mean they don’t love you or you don’t matter to them. The real test is to put your needs out there without anger or blame. You are giving your partner a chance to respond to your needs–when that happens, your bond gets stronger.

2. “I won’t try to fix it.” – It’s really hard to see someone you love who is struggling. When your partner opens up to you about what makes them scared, frustrated or sad, a natural response it to try to figure out how to make it better for them. The intent behind “fix it” mode is good – you want your partner to be happy. The problem is, when “fix it” mode is engaged, you miss the chance to bond with your partner. You go from your heart to your head. The bond in relationships strengthens when we emotionally connect to one another. You can’t emotionally connect from being in your head, thinking about how to fix the problem. So, how do you connect in these moments? Instead of trying to “fix it”, let your partner know how your heart is reacting. This will tell your partner that you are really there for them and will make your bond stronger. Responding to your partner with your heart instead of your head is the way to “fix it”.

3. “I will do the unexpected, more often.” Routine is important; it’s how we manage through daily life with minimal hiccups. In our relationships though, the cost of too much routine is intimacy. We get comfortable and bored. How can doing the unexpected help with intimacy? Well, it triggers the excitement hormones in your brain: dopamine, pheromones and serotonin. These are the chemicals responsible for the “falling in love” feeling. To release a torrent of those hormones, shake things up a bit. Plan a surprise. Pick an activity neither one of you has done before. This will inject some excitement and freshness into your relationship, stirring up interest for both of you.

Our relationships are the most important part of our individual happiness. When we feel good in our relationships, our motivation and outlook on life improves. These relationship resolutions will strengthen your marriage or couplehood bond helping you to have a happy, healthy 2013. If you are in need of additional support to strengthen your relationship, feel free to contact me. Couples counseling will improve the communication and intimacy needed for a strong, happy relationship.