5 Ways To Improve Relationship Communication

1. Make time to talk – Life is hectic. Between work, raising children, running errands and paying bills most of us want to mental check out on our free time. While giving yourself “off time” (I highly recommend it!) is important – make sure to include your partner in your day. First, identify a specific time each day when both of you are available and relaxed. Then commit to dedicate that time to emotionally check in with each other.

2. Be present – Doesn’t if feel good when you are talking to someone and they are truly focused on what you are saying? Like you, your partner can sense when you are tuned in or out. When talking to your partner, try and put the other thoughts and worries aside. Ask questions. Make and sustain eye contact.

3. Don’t assume – We often think our partner knows what’s bothering us, what we like and what we don’t. This is especially true the longer the relationship. What may have been the case last week, last year or last decade can change. Don’t assume, anything. Make sure to ask questions. You may find your partner cares more than you thought. Be direct, let your partner know what you need.

4. Validate – To validate doesn’t mean to “agree with”. Validating your partner’s feelings means putting yourself in his/her shoes to understand where he/she is coming from. Try saying something along the lines of “From your point of view, I understand why you were hurt,” and watch the walls come down.

5. Avoid generalizations and judgmental speech – While it’s normal to feel frustrated with your partner, phrases that start with “you should’ve..” and “you always..!” will seldom get you what you want. Words like these make you sound aggressive and create a defensive posture in the other party. Typically, your partner will shut down and hear little after those couple words. Instead, take a moment and identify and communicate what you are feeling.