Therapist Tips to Protect your Relationship from Holiday Stress
During the holidays we are reminded of the importance of closeness, especially in our relationship. We pick out gifts, plan meals and decorate all in the effort of feeling close and connected to the one who matter most to us. Basically, we are looking for that warm fuzzy feeling with our loved one. Unfortunately, the very things that we take on to feel close can be the things that result in conflict. Travel, financial pressures, cooking, and shopping all start to pile up in our already busy schedules.
The added stress can leave us feeling exhausted and short tempered. As a result, we may be less capable of managing relationship conflicts. You may find yourself feeling more frustrated and disconnected than ever. So, how do we manage the holidays while maintaining a strong connection with our partner? Below are five ways a therapist recommends to protect your relationship connection in the midst of holiday chaos:
1. Over-communicate. The holidays are not the time to guess or assume what your partner is thinking. It’s the time to over-communicate. Sit down together and plan what you are going to do for the season. Learn your partner’s priorities, explain your own and incorporate them into a master plan. If you communicate early, you will be more likely to avoid conflict and blend your traditions together in a way that fill both of you with holiday cheer.
2. Ask for Help. When you are feeling overwhelmed, fight against the urge to shut yourself away in a dark room and use it as an opportunity to reach out to your partner. Identify the issues that you have some control over and those you don’t. From there, be specific about how your partner can help you resolve these problems and emphasize how much his or her help would mean to you. Or maybe just use your partner as a sounding board to release some stress and get advice on how to best handle a tough situation. It’s not always easy to ask for help, but doing so will foster a sense of team and closeness in your relationship.
3. Maintain Intimacy. From work parties to family festivities, your free time will be limited during the holiday season. With what little you do have, make sure to spend some of it alone with your partner. Pick a few nights a week to dedicate at least 30 minutes of time together without tv, iPhones, Angry Birds or other people. For the times that you are socializing together or are simply too busy to slow down, be sure to incorporate simple acts of affection– a spontaneous kiss, a note, picking up a treat at the store that your partner would like.
4. Recognize Stress. Stress is invisible and easy to overlook. Plus, we all hate to admit when we’ve reached our limits and can’t take anymore. During the holiday season, be able to recognize when your partner’s stressed and make allowances for it. Think about the ways your partner normally shows stress and realize that it will be magnified during the holiday season. When you see the signals, remind yourself that it’s temporary, be forgiving and offer a comforting touch or word.
5. Plan for Conflict. While we tend to wear rose colored glasses and hope for the best, conflict inevitably arises during the holidays. Be realistic. We can’t prepare for everything, but there are certain things that happen every year and we know will be harder than others. Talk to your partner about any anxieties you have about upcoming events, any black sheep in the family that are certain to make a scene or any situations that you know you’ll need help dealing with and work together on how you can approach these together.
Doing these things will ensure that your connection with your partner is strong, making the frenzied parking lots and mine filled family events easier with your partner at your side. If you are looking for extra support during the holiday season for your marriage or relationship, contact me. As a therapist who works with couples, I’m happy to discuss how I can help your couplehood bond become and stay strong.