{"id":1826,"date":"2011-11-14T19:59:44","date_gmt":"2011-11-14T19:59:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/?p=1826"},"modified":"2013-05-15T01:55:58","modified_gmt":"2013-05-15T01:55:58","slug":"couples-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/couples-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Couples Conflict &#8211; 4 Steps to Get Your Partner to Pay Attention"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-1828\" title=\"couples_comminication\" src=\"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/couples_comminication.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"220\" \/><\/p>\n<h1>Couples Conflict Resolution &#8211; How To Get Your Partner To Pay Attendtion<\/h1>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>How many times have you asked your partner to be affectionate, stop nagging or put the toothpaste cap on securely? When our requests get blown off, we are often left with feelings of frustration that leave us feeling disconnected from our significant other. Before you jump to the conclusion that your partner doesn\u2019t care, or is just plain lazy &#8211; give the following techniques a try:<strong><\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong> Describe the situation objectively<\/strong> \u2013 We want to help the people we love. However, when we are blamed for our loved one\u2019s difficulties it is natural to defend ourselves (which often snowballs into an argument). So, how do you get around the defensive hurdle so your needs are heard? Present the situation in an objective way. This means describing the situation, without using the word \u201cyou.\u201d\u00a0 Take the toothpaste example: \u201c<em>You never put the cap on the toothpaste\u201d<\/em> vs. \u201c<em>When the toothpaste cap is off, it leaks on the sink\u201d <\/em>conveys very different messages. It may seem like a silly tweak in grammar, but using objective statements will make a big difference to the ears of your partner.<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0<strong>Identify the Feeling<\/strong> \u2013 The next step is to identify the feeling that comes up when this situation happens. When our requests are ignored, we are often left with feelings of frustration. For requests to pack a punch, we have to dig deep and identify the softer (or the primary) feeling underneath frustration. Primary emotions include: fear, sadness, anger or shame. For example, \u201cWhen I don\u2019t receive regular affection, I feel scared like maybe I\u2019m not desirable.\u201d<strong><\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Get to the Heart of the Matter<\/strong> \u2013 We all have the core needs of wanting to feel important and that we matter to our partners. \u00a0To identify your need, fill in the following sentence: If my partner responded to my request, I would feel like I ________________ to him\/her.<strong><\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Talk It Out<\/strong> \u2013 Now that you\u2019ve identified what you need and the primary emotions driving those needs, it\u2019s time to put it all together. Sit down with your partner when you are both calm. Start with describing the situation objectively (see #1), then let your loved one know how you feel when that happens (see #2) and then communicate what you need (#3).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Communicate this to your partner objectively to get the best response to any request you have\u2014from toothpaste caps to more personal issues. If you and your partner are in the San Diego area and need additional support with communication, consider making a marriage therapy or couples counseling appointment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Couples Conflict Resolution &#8211; How To Get Your Partner To Pay Attendtion &nbsp; How many times have you asked your partner to be affectionate, stop nagging or put the toothpaste cap on securely? When our requests get blown off, we are often left with feelings of frustration that leave us feeling disconnected from our significant [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1828,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1826"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1826"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1826\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1828"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1826"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1826"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1826"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chappelltherapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=1826"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}