Some people mistakenly believe that a happy partnership or marriage is free from conflict. No relationship is free from conflict. In fact, conflict can actually be a sign of a healthy relationship depending on how the conflict plays out. A successful, happy relationship is not the absence of conflict but rather navigating these trouble spots in a way that both partners feel understood and respected.
There are a lot of factors that get in the way of healthy relationship conflict resolution. One common obstacle is when emotions get heightened. There is no way around this. When we love someone, we become sensitive to them. We have our soft spots. When our soft spots get poked by our loved one during conflict – we react. Our reactions can trigger our partner’s sensitivities. They react. All of a sudden things have gone from zero to sixty and we are caught in a back in forth where no one is being heard or understood.
We want to feel successful in working things out together. Having the experience of success gives us a sense of safety and security. When couples come out of conflict not feeling confident that their needs will be met, it will take a toll on the relationship. Other destructive patterns will appear: Keeping things from the relationship to avoid conflict; demanding or criticizing to get our point across.
If your relationship is suffering from constant fighting, arguing, or avoidance– Couples Counseling can help. Couples Counseling will help you and your partner experience a new way of resolving conflict. The goal of couples counseling is for you to experience resolving issues in a way that actually brings you and your loved one closer together.
I want you to feel successful navigating relationship conflict. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy we will identify and stop the negative pattern around resolving conflict. We will examine and heal underlying issues that may be contributing to your couple’s conflict. Contact me, I would love to hear your story and let you know more about how I can help.