Couples Counseling isn’t for everyone (see exceptions below). However, Couples Counseling (especially EFT) can be highly effective for most couples. There is a mis-perception that couples who need Couples Counseling are doomed. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Couples who engage in counseling are proactive in making their relationship be the best it can be. In fact, couples who engage in Couples Counseling report being able to better communicate and connect with their partners. Generally, the sooner you participate in Couples Counseling, the faster you will experience positive results.
Couples Counseling is Right When:
The same issue arises over and over. If you find you are having the same repetitive fight over a period of time, that is an indication that there is an underlying issue that needs to be resolved. Couples Counseling will help to get understanding of what is actually going on and what needs to be resolved to move past the recurring issue.
You are unsure if you matter/are important to your partner. If you find yourself wondering these thoughts then it means that your emotional needs are not getting met. Left unchecked, these thoughts easily turn into actions that are destructive to the relationship. Couples Counseling helps you to reach to the relationship in a way that your needs will get met.
You feel criticized/blamed by your partner. If you find yourself avoiding or defending yourself against criticism then Couples Counseling can help. Chances are, your partner isn’t aware of how their demands are impacting you. If you feel criticized or blamed, it does not feel emotionally safe to engage with your partner. Left unchecked, you’ll start to detach from the relationship.
When Couples Counseling Isn’t Right (Exceptions):
Couples Counseling doesn’t work for everyone. There are a few exceptions:
There is ongoing relationship violence. In order for Couples Counseling to be effective, it has to feel safe to open up and be honest. When there is ongoing relationship violence, it is not safe to open up and can even trigger more violence. In these cases, each partner should engage in individual therapy to resolve violence issues before Couples Counseling can start.
Differing agendas. If one partner wants the relationship to work and the other wants out, then Couples Counseling may not be effective. It’s important that both partners have the same goal of improving the relationship.
Ongoing substance abuse. If there is ongoing substance abuse, creating a safe environment to open up will not happen. In this case, the substance abuse issue needs to be addressed before Couples Counseling will be effective.
If you are considering Couples Counseling to improve your relationship, contact me. You may also find out more about my Couples Counseling services here.