6 Things To ImproveYour Relationship Happiness Factor That You Can Do On Your Own

You can’t always control what your partner does, but focusing on what you bring to the table is likely to start a chain of events that increases your relationship happiness factor. Practicing the strategies below will get the ball rolling:

1.Be Present. Studies show that the practice of Mindfulness (engaging your senses in the present moment) increases ability to regulate stress and improve immune system function. Mindfulness will decrease your “reactivity” to stress and defensiveness in your relationship. It is often in our most significant relations that we are more inclined to react defensively than to respond mindfully. 3 Minutes of Mindfulness

2. Monitor Self Talk. Ok, so I’m not asking to evoke your inner Stuart Smalley (…and Doggone It, People Like Me) but we are often our own worst critic. Listen to the automatic narrative playing in your mind’s background. What kind of messages are you sending yourself about you,  your partner, your relationship? Avoid these common types of negative self talk that erode self esteem and relationship connection:

• Mindreading – Assumptions of your partner’s motive and/or feelings behind their behavior.
• Imperatives – Flexibility limiters that are signaled by I “should, ought, or must” statements about yourself or others behavior.
• Filtering – You only pay attention to the negative in the situation.
• Castastrophizing – “What if” statements

3. Take Care of Your Body. There’s little question these days that there is a body/mind connection. When we feel bad physically, we suffer emotionally and vice versa. When we feel bad about our body, it effects our self esteem which can translate into bedroom anxiety. Avoid the body/mind trap by incorporating daily feel good practices into your routine: Get enough rest, eat healthy, exercise.

4. Connect. Set aside time to be with your partner. People with strong family and/or social connections are emotionally healthier and happier that those without a strong support system. As human beings, our brains are hard-wired with the need for positive emotional connections with our significant others. Each day, talk face-to-face talk with your partner and let them in on what’s going on with you internally.

5. Follow Through. If you say you are going to do it, do it. Seems easy enough, right? Well, this one is tricky. Life gets in the way of our best intentions and as we get older our memory diminishes. Unfortunately, not following through (even with valid reasons) will give you a bad rap. So, make sure to communicate. If something comes up that prevents you from upholding your commitment then make sure to let your partner know. Avoiding or sweeping it under the rug will only create more distance in your relationship.

6. Ask for Help. Often, we hold back from reaching out because we get a sense of pride from handling things on our own and don’t want to be perceived as being week or incapable. Truth is, we all need assistance from time to time. It’s not a bad thing. Reaching out to others for help is a way to advocate for our needs. It’s proactive and build stronger relationships.

Using these tips will set the tone for the relationship you want. If you and your partner are having difficulty communicating and would like extra support, consider engaging in Couples Counseling. Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy and Counseling will help to create a solid, secure bond in your marriage or relationship.